down again

yes, yes, yes i am. i'm honestly not trying to be all emo here, but i really do hate my life. i have too many issues and i've dissapointed too many people. i just don't know what i'm supposed to do in life, why i'm here, what is my purpose? all i do is let people down and fail at stuff. i really don't understand the point of my life. i'm just kind of chilling here, wasting air.
excuse my bad mood, but i'm just feeling really down about stuff today. i stayed home from school. again. and my mom just yelled at me the whole day. and it really sucks because i was doing so well last week, and now it all just came crashing down. like, as much as i am against behavioral medications, i wish they would just do it already. no, making me drink caffine everyday is not going to work. writing stuff in my planner is not going to change anything. i'm freaking screwed up. i honestly had an anxiety attack this morning. over HOMEWORK. what the hell. this is just sucking. so badly.

wow i sound so depressing.
great.

My Conscience

it's way to big and annoying. i am probably the biggest baby you'll ever meet in your entire life. honestly, if i ever stole something, i would probably cry and hate myself until i gave it back. and i would probably still hate myself. i have way to much guilt in me; i should really learn to just let stuff go. like, i'll feel guilty for stuff i didn't even do, stuff my friends did, or stuff i was just thinking about doing but never did. it's toally lame. if i didn't do it, why should i care? but i do. what a loser.

and to top it all off, i have to meet my group tomorrow for history for like two hours. i barely even know these girls, and they are all friends. they are fake nice to me, i swear, and i hate that feeling. i would rather do ANYTHING. i would rather get my painful cavity filled. i would rather go on great bear at hershey park, and i hate roller coasters. i would rather sing in front of 4823493724 people, even though i'm so shy. i would rather wear sweatpants and meet the jonas brothers. that is saying a lot. i'm secretly hoping that i get called into play practice last minute. that's another thing i'd rather do. sit in a lighting booth for 5 hours. i would do it. gladly.

oh well, i should just stop complaining.

Just thought I'd like to say...

And I came here to make you dance tonight
I don't care if I'm a guilty pleasure for you

And I don't even know
what kind of fool you're taking me for
So you've got some brand new clothes
you never could afford before

Oh brother, spare us all
'Cause we don't care anymore
We just wanna get down on the floor

You sold yourself to make it
You can dish it
But can you really take it?

You're never gonna get it with nothing
'cause nothing's what you got in your head
So stop pretending

I came here to make you dance tonight
I don't care if I'm a guilty pleasure for you
Shut up
'Cause we won't stop
We're getting down til the sun's coming up
I came here to make you dance tonight
I don't care if I'm a guilty pleasure for you
Shut up
'Cause we won't stop
We're getting down til the sun's coming up

And I don't even read
what the papers gotta say about me
Oh no, I can't believe
they take it so serious, seriously

I'm so bored, oh please don't talk anymore
Shut your mouth and get down on the floor

So cynical?
Poor baby
I can dish it 'cause I know how to take it

You're never gonna win 'em all
So fuck 'em if they can't take a joke
I'm just playin'

I came here to make you dance tonight
I don't care if I'm a guilty pleasure for you
Shut up
'Cause we won't stop
We're getting down til the sun's coming up
I came here to make you dance tonight
I don't care if I'm a guilty pleasure for you
Shut up
'Cause we won't stop
We're getting down til the sun's coming up

And maybe someday I'll believe
(maybe someday I'll believe)
that we are all a part of some bigger plan
Tonight I just don't give a damn
(So shut your mouth it's time to dance)
If the world is ending, I'm throwing the party

And I came here to make you dance tonight
I don't care if I'm a guilty pleasure for you
Shut up
'Cause we won't stop
We're getting down til the sun's coming up
I came here to make you dance tonight
I don't care if I'm a guilty pleasure for you
Shut up
'Cause we won't stop
We're getting down til the sun's coming up
I came here to make you dance tonight
I don't care if I'm a guilty pleasure for you
Shut up
'Cause we won't stop
We're getting down til the sun's coming up


cobra frickin starship.
and the john carroll music department.

How Un-interesting...

i have come to the conclusion that my life is just really really boring. that's why i haven't written anything here for a long time. i have nothing to write about! i honestly cannot think of one exciting thing that has happened to me since my last post. well, besides my emotional breakdowns and being sick of course. but hey, nothing new there. i did have a fever though, up until today, which is kind of rare for me. i think the last time i had a fever was when i was about five. but still, not very exciting. i stayed home pretty much all week, which was cool, even though i felt like absolute crap. and i now find myself dreading monday. again, nothing new.
i'm going to another jonas brothers concert on march 13th, and i've got good seats, which i'm excited about. not as excited as i thought i would be though. weird. of course that will all change when i get there, just like it always does, and i'll turn into a crazy screaming fangirl. unless they come within twenty feet of me, in which case i'll just silently freak out and be unable to speak.

i'm so odd.

but other than that, nothing is really happening in my life. sometimes i kind of wish i was famous, or was always with someone famous, just so i could blog about my exciting life.

but not really.