better?

my life has changed so much since i last wrote in this thing. i've actually been a lot better, with the exception of one mental breakdown, and i really hope things will stay this good. katy, laxie, and i have decided to audition for camp rock 2, which should be insanely fun, even though the chances are super slim. it's been nice getting back into dancing again, and feeling like i have something to work towards. but i feel like these auditions are going to come too soon. i'm already kind of having second thoughts; i don't want to embarrass myself in front of a bunch of amazing hotshot-like dancers. if i can't handle myself, this is going to be a nightmare. so i have to be prepared. all the same, it's going to be epic. but then the question comes up. should i audition for acting as well? voice? can i do it? well i don't know. i love acting and singing, but i just get so nervous! but at the same time, i feel like i could do it if i tried. headshots, resumes, agents, casting, it's all so much. and yet i want it. i want a pretty picture. a full resume. an agent. a cast list with MY name on it. i want to actually be successful at something.

but i don't know if i can.
hm, now i'm thinking.

one of the great secrets in life

have you ever heard the expression "if you want something enough, you'll get it?"

yeah, well that's a bunch of shit.







just thought i'd share.

just another manic monday...

i have finally discovered that blogspot is NOT blocked at school. how amazing. i'm currently sitting in english, reading about JD Salinger, author of Catcher in the Rye. well anyways, as you can tell from the title of this post, i hate mondays. hate hate hate hate hate. they are just awful. i have three classes in a row, which sucks to begin with, and they're all the classes i dislike the most. and probably the ones i'm failing. of course i'm probably failing everything, but what else is new? it doesn't matter anyway, i'm just concentrating on passing for the year so that i don't have to go to summer school again. i really don't care about getting good grades.

there i said it.








I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY GRADES.
i don't!


the end.

dance.

today, while going to county ballet to get shoes for the first time in over a year, i realized something. i really miss dance. so badly that it hurts.

i miss coming home from a hard class and passing out on the couch.
i miss teaching the little ones.
i miss choreographing.
i miss corrections.
i miss doing splits on the bar.
i miss buying new shoes.
i miss cut off shirts.
i miss pointe, and all the pain that comes with it.
i miss putting my hair into a bun.
i miss convertible tights.
i miss ace bandages.
i miss living and breathing dance.
i miss talking about nothing but dance.
i miss my dance friends.
i miss dance jokes.
i miss revelations.
i miss waltz turns.
i miss dance camp.
i miss icyhot.
i miss my knee problems.
i miss being known as "the dancer" in school.
i miss french terminology.
i miss that feeling you get right before you go onstage.
i miss that split second before it's your turn to go across the floor.
i miss floor bar.
i miss ballet arms.
i miss classical music.
i miss développés.
i miss not being able to wash off all the stage makeup.
i miss all day rehearsals.
i miss leotards.
i miss tour jetés.
i miss calling tour jetés "torrey-tays".
i miss clapping for people who fall on their butts.
i miss marley floors.
i miss duct-taping and jet-gluing shoes.
i miss taping my toes.
i miss legwarmers.
i miss mismatched clothing.
i miss the vegetable game.
i miss running warmup.
i miss warmups in general.
i miss curtain calls.


i miss being able to have had a horrible day where nothing went right, and just dancing my heart out. and it making my whole day better.

things i think, but won't say.

i really stole this from colleen. i'm just feeling like i need to get stuff out right now, so i'm just putting down thoughts about people. most of them will never see this anyway, and if you do see this and you think one is about you and it's bad, don't worry, it's probably not about you in the first place.
or maybe it is.


1.you told me to blog about you. so i am. we mostly just joke around a lot, but seriously, i really do love having you around and i'm so glad you are my friend. you pretty much rule at life, and i would be so bored without you here. you always make me laugh because you say really awkward things. we share a brain. you are definately one of my very best friends. it's pretty obvious who this one's about.

2. i don't care what anyone says about you, you are awesome. i've known you forever and you will always be one of my favorite people ever, even if you are really hyper all the time and you annoy the crap out of a lot of people. you never get on my nerves, ever; i don't know how people can not like you. you are very intense and you go through phases, but that's okay.

3. i don't really talk to you that much, but i think you are incredibly pretty and i'm so jealous of you. you are always just so nice and you seem perfect. i try to be more like you, i really do. i don't know why you are third on here, it just popped into my head. you actually kind of intimidate me a little bit, but not because you mean to. i just think you're really cool.

4. we have grown apart. i still call you my one and only true best friend, but things just aren't the same anymore. i really really miss you so much. i wish things would go back to the way they used to be.

5. you seem really dumb to people, but i think you're secretly smart. i've always thought that. you are so gorgeous and you look better than i do all the time even though you are still in middle school. you are absolutely hilarious. the end.

6. i really don't like you. don't try and pretend you don't know me; i know you do. we've been in school together since kindergarten. don't try to hide the fact that you did all the plays in middle school, and that you were pretty much a dork. i honestly don't know how you are so popular now. it amazes me.

7. as much as i deny it, i still get nervous around you.

8. i strongly dislike you. you are loud and tall and annoying, and your mother is an obnoxious bitch. no one likes her. or you, for that matter.

9. you looked better with long hair, grow it back out boy!

10. i love you to death, but sometimes you get on my nerves. it's not always all about you, and you aren't always the best. you definately seem really conceited, and not just to me. i still adore you though, and i wouldn't have you any other way.

11. you are one of my closest friends, but your haircut makes you look fat. sorry.

12. i hate that you talked to me for like a month, and then decided to ignore me. you're cute, but i do NOT like you like that anymore. you are just a jerk. stop flirting with every girl you see, and try being nice to people.

13. you have so many problems, but i love you. i can tell you absolutely anything in the world, things i wouldn't even write in a diary or journal. you are always there for me when i'm upset about anything. you are like my therepist. i really hope you get better soon.

14. you are a terrible singer. stop singing all the time.

15. i know you and your friends (that i only met once) make fun of me, i know it. it's mean. please stop.

16. words cannot even describe you. you are such a great friend, and i talk to you about everything, even though you are a guy, and you always just give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be okay. you are amazing.

17. you are really rude. i don't even know you that well, but i don't care. you're always yelling at people and telling them to shut up. why don't you take your own advice?

18. i think it's really cool that you can do a toe touch, even though i know about a million other people who can. it's just cooler when you do it.

19. i've known you forever and you are nice most of the time, but you don't know when to stop making fun of me. it's funny for a little while, because yeah, we're friends and all, but sometimes you really hurt my feelings. you're kind of naive too.

20. i can't say anything bad about you. at all. i miss you so much right now. i'm pretty sure i've never gotten mad at you, or even slightly pissed off. how that happened, i don't know, but it's pretty cool.

21. you are such a good girl. i make fun of you all the time, but secretly it's because i'm jealous of you. i wish i had the self-discipline that you have. i'm kind of worried about you though, because some of the kids you hang out with sometimes are kind of bad kids. don't follow their example. please.

22. i think you're really hot, but you are too quick to make desicions about people, and unfortunately you decided i'm not cool enough to even talk to. you're actually really rude. you talk to my friends, but not me, even when i'm right there with them. am i that weird?

23. i don't belive any of your stories about all the guys you've been with. you lie.

24. i barely even know you, but every time i see you i want to punch you in the face. you are the most rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate, immature, stupid boy on the planet.

25. you are really stuck up. you aren't that great of a singer, or a dancer. i feel like everytime i see you in the halls you give me dirty looks. just because you are a senior doen't give you that right. i will always be a better dancer than you. get over it.

26. i hate you. you are are a sneaky, scheming person. not even your friends know about it. everyone thinks you're so perfect. i know you cheated on stuff in school. i know you went to her party and got drunk. i know you lie to people all the time. and i don't know how you get away with it all.

27. i think you're pathetic for stalking me over the internet just to make fun of me. what a loser. you're really ugly too.

28. you are really fashionable which i am jelaous of, and you have a really weird sense of humor. i love it. i miss you.

29. i know you lie and say you're going outside just as an excuse to get off the phone. it's okay though, i love you anyway.

30. i don't really want to repare my friendship with you because you create too much drama. you can't always have your way. honestly, i had been waiting for the perfect situation to just drop you.

31. you are really cute, and i've always thought that. thank you for noticing me when no one else did.

32. i always gossip with you, and i can tell you just about anything. unfortunately, i really think you care to much about what other people think of you. do your own thing, it won't be that bad, i promise.



that's a lot of people. i'll probably add more later as i think of them. but for now, i wait for a call from france!

goodnight.

scaplers

i really hate them. i do i do i do. they seriously are some of the worst people ever. why anyone would want to cheat people out of tickets, only to sell them back later for outrageous amounts of money, is beyond me. yes, you make money, but at the same time you are being unfair to so many people. it's just immoral. i'd rather not have money, honestly. i really just want to slap every single scalper who ever lived. right in the face. i hate you. every last one of you. you suck. find a real job. the end.


you can probably guess why i'm so upset about this, if you know anything about me. i won't even bother to explain.

looking up!

things just seem to be getting better.


so don't worry, i'm not emo.
i promise.






woo!