Choices

so play practice got me thinking.
uh oh.

i really started to wonder about the choices i've made in the past, especially ones that have to do with theatre and music. did i make the right ones? how did they affect my life as it is now? you're probably confused, so i'll elaborate. example: piano lessons. i had them for about a year before i quit. that was so stupid of me. i really wish i had stuck with it, because i'd be able to play now, which i want to do. i love the piano but my parents won't let me take lessons now because i quit before. i never fully learned how to read music, and i totally hate that. it kills me, really. i can't seem to pick it up now, as hard as i try, so i just wish i had kept with it.
also, dance. this one is more recent. i danced for almost 10 years. it was my life; i was at my studio everyday it was open. but then it closed down and i haven't been able to find anything like it, so i just stopped dancing. rehearsal today was interesting. i had a horrible morning, and i was in such a bad mood. but then we started to learn choreography, and my whole day turned around. even though i'm in really bad shape, i loved every second of it. this is when i realized how much i really miss dancing. if even silly musical theatre dance can make my mood do a total 180, i must really love it. sad thing is, now i miss my old studio more than ever, and that sucks hardcore.
and finally, singing. if you are one of the few people reading this thing, you're probably thinking "torrey? singing? whattt?!?" well, yeah. i did quite a lot of singing when i was younger, and apparently i was pretty good. i loved voice lessons, but i had major stage fright, which i still have even today. this really sucked because one summer, i was asked to sing at the bel air barbeque bash and represent the place i took lessons at. it wasn't a huge deal, but it was still something. enough to freak me out. i actually turned it down, and that is one of the biggest regrets of my whole life. i really wish i could know what would have happened if i had just said yes. where i would be now. i know it seems dumb, but i just wish i did it. i mean, in the best of cases i could have been "noticed", done more stuff, and really gotton into it. for all i know i could be freaking hannah montana right now. okay, that's kind of an exaggeration, but something could have happened. at the very least i would have gained more confidence on the stage, and actually have the courage to go out for stuff. or maybe i would have just stuck with it, and still be good. because now it's too late, and i'm stuck as an average/below average singer with low self esteem and the most horrible case of stage fright you've ever seen.

it kind of sucks.


wow, how cynical of me.






oh, and i've decided that i'm going to boarding school, but i'll write about that later.